THEY EMAIL AMONG US...

The rapture: When all the believers in Jesus Christ, who have been born again, are taken up to heaven.

After the rapture, there will be a lot of speculation as to why millions of people have just disappeared. [Well, yeah.] Unfortunately, after the rapture, only non believers will be left [Living in the new believerless paradise] to come up with answers. ["Oh, they just disappeared one day, we use their car. Did you know we no longer need reservations?"] You probably have family and friends that you have witnessed to [No, we just love and respect each other, we're not locked down; we have varied ways of thinking, like healthy normal persons] and they just won't listen [Bet THEY'LL be glad you disappeared]. After the rapture they probably will [No, they'll be too busy with all the new job opportunities], but who will tell them? [I wouldn't worry about it, just keep going wherever it is you're going. Have fun!]

We have written a computer program to do just that. It will send an Electronic Message (e-mail) to whomever you want after the rapture has taken place [Why not just take your computers?], and you and I have been taken to heaven. [No, I'll still be here. With all the good-lookin' unbelievin' women.]

How is this accomplished, you might ask [No, I don't think I would...] It's a dead man switch that will automatically send the emails when it is not reset. [Not a rapture switch?]

If you wish to do something now that will help your unbelieving friends and family [How about some free gasoline?] after the rapture, you need to add those persons email address to our database. Their names will be stored indefinitely and a letter will be sent out to each of them on the first Friday after the rapture. Then they will receive another letter every friday after that. [Note to self: upgrade spam filter...]

This rapture letter service is FREE [I should think so, who's gonna pay your bills...] and will hopefully gain the person you send it to an eternity in heaven. [Eternity on earth will be even better, once you folks have... raptured?]

You still here?

Do you believe it